I had lunch with Tom Salmon today, Vermont’s State Auditor. He suggested we meet at J. Morgans so we could discuss “the future.” And so we did.
But I guess I should back up a bit. Because you’re wondering how Snarky Boy gets such invitations. You doubter, you.
You see, Snarky Boy and Tom Salmon go way back. Our fathers worked together. Or, more accurately, my father worked for Tom’s father. And, of course, we all know that Tom’s father was the former governor of Vermont.
Like me, my father was a painter. And, like me, my father got many contracts with the state to paint, caulk and otherwise prettify their large portfolio of “buildings and grounds” in Montpelier. My father liked to think that he was Governor Tom’s connection to the workingman.
At least that’s what he told us. The better money would be on the fact that Governor Tom was a damn good politician. He had to be, being only the second Democratic governor in Vermont in the previous 109 years.
Little Tom isn’t nearly as likeable as his father. I don’t think he ever really liked people. Where Governor Tom worked hard to earn the respect of others, Little Tom seems to think others should work hard to earn his respect.
This is nothing I don’t share with the Toms, either. And, for whatever reason, they don’t seem to mind the Snarkmaster’s verbal smack downs. I’d say they like it “straight, with no chaser,” but that’s a bit loaded.
Little Tom, as you know, is still trying to shake the political and personal sting out of his DUI bust a couple of years ago. Yeah, you remember that: “Do you know who I am?” Seriously, Tom, you didn’t know about trooper-dash cameras? But it was a nice little dance you did with that straight line you were supposed to be walking. Oh my.
My guess is that Little Tom’s relationship with liquor is about like his relationship with political parties: on again/off again. For now, he’s “not drinking” (and he didn’t at lunch). And, for now, he’s “a Republican.” But, then again, it was only a few short years ago that he was a happily drinking Democrat.
I always get a little nervous about people who can make such dramatic shifts in their lives. I get the whole drinking/not-drinking thing (especially after you get popped for a DUI), but the Democratic/Republican switch is a different ballgame.
Actually, on second thought, maybe he’s right: A sober Republican isn’t that different than a drunk Democrat. The joke’s on us, my friends.
And now we’re out of time. To be continued….